Right now, lying in a hammock drifting in the sea breeze on a tropical island, I feel like I could believe anything is possible.
I wish I could bottle that feeling and take it home with me so I can lift the lid and breathe it in anytime I need reminding of it!
Often, without us even realising it, the spin cycle of everyday life - with all its emotions, energies and things to do - can shift our beliefs about life and possibility in negative ways.
I've been working quite a lot lately with my clients around limiting beliefs they had built up over time around the possibility of having a baby.
For me too there was a time when I realised my own beliefs about having a baby had been bashed and dented into a new shape.
When we started trying to conceive (TTC) my beliefs were simple - we will have a baby.
We started to have trouble TTC and without even noticing when it happened I had formed a whole new set of beliefs - and they were much, much less supportive:
- My body is broken
- I can't get pregnant
- Is this happening to be because I might not be a good mother?
- It’s going to be really hard - maybe impossible - for us to have a baby
The list could go on…
And I know I am not alone in these!
Beliefs are powerful things - we can form them in an instant, from the a little thing or a big thing, and once we have them our subconscious takes hold.
Without even realising it we will ignore, distort or delete any information that will contradict that belief.
In essence beliefs are possibility filters – they shape what we think is (and as a result what becomes) possible for us in life.
Often, especially when the going gets tough, it’s easier for us to focus in on and believe the more negative things.
For me the quality of my beliefs can be the difference between a tough situation being bearable and unbearable. This has never been truer in my life than while facing infertility.
So what do we do about our beliefs?!
The first big tip I share with people – which was so liberating for me when I had it shared with me! - is:
Beliefs are MADE UP! WE create them!
Just as we choose beliefs that are unsupportive we can also choose to create and focus on ones that are!!
Better still – we can choose to let go of those that no longer serve us!
Is it really that simple? In my experience, often yes.
Once you are aware of it, finding limiting beliefs and deciding on ones to replace it can be simple…but we have to work to make it stick.
Here’s some of my tips for doing so:
Dig out your beliefs
Spend time actually working out what your beliefs about yourself and your situation really are. Often they are so ingrained we don’t know. Look for phrases like “I am”, or “I think”, or “I feel”
Examine the list and work out what you want to keep and what you want to let go of
Be honest – you want to let go of things that don’t sustain you in a positive, long-term manner
Out with the old in with the new
Replace old limiting beliefs with new ones that will support and sustain you. Keep them in positive tense like an affirmation. Go for something that is able to resonate with you – there is no right or wrong, no comparisons, it’s about you!
Devote time to reinforcement
When you’ve been walking the path of one belief for a while it will be well worn in – an easy default settling to go to. You need to be patient and also work to ingrain the new one. Look for ways that make sense to you to infuse it into your life and gather evidence to support it!
Sometimes beliefs are so entrenched it takes a bit more work – that’s where fertility coaching can be so beneficial in using tools and techniques to make some huge transformations in life!
As for me I have worked to reset my beliefs to where they were always meant to be –
I BELIEVE WE WILL HAVE A BABY
My journey to parenthood, even with its ups and downs, is so much lighter for it!
What are your beliefs about your fertility and chances of becoming a parent? Do they support you in your journey?